


Nothing Unspoken

by TraceyLordHaven



Series: Next to Nothing [4]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Episode: s06e26 Unimatrix Zero, Episode: s07e01 Unimatrix Zero Part II, Hurt No Comfort, Post-Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21667018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TraceyLordHaven/pseuds/TraceyLordHaven
Summary: The Doctor's eyes grew misty."You could have walked in and thought you were watching a family that had been together a very long time.  It was … a remarkable thing to see."
Relationships: Axum/Seven of Nine, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Seven of Nine, Kathryn Janeway & Naomi Wildman, Kathryn Janeway & Seven of Nine, Seven of Nine & Naomi Wildman, The Doctor (Star Trek) & Kathryn Janeway
Series: Next to Nothing [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556821
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Nothing Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> Next in the series. I think there are a couple of more installments coming. I don't have any Beta, so I end up (somewhat unsuccessfully) proofing for myself. I miss stuff. When I find errors after posting, I try to fix.
> 
> Since Chakotay got hit so hard in the 2nd story, and things weren't quite as rough on Kathryn in the 3rd, figured I needed to even out some of the blame.
> 
> I still don't own any of them.

"Well, look who's awake!"

Kathryn's right eye cracked open slightly. Then both eyes opened wide as she took in the face of the Doctor a mere six inches from her face.

"What … why are you … " she stammered as she tried to sit up.

The wave of nausea pushed her right back down.

"Yes, Doctor," she groaned, "I am awake. Though I think I'd rather not be."

"That's not at all surprising," he replied. "When a person as small as you are consumes as much alcohol as you did last night, there are consequences."

He produced a hypospray, pressed it against the Admiral's neck, and released a detox compound into her blood.

She sighed in relief, then looked around. She was on a couch in what appeared to be the sitting room of a hotel suite.

The Doctor went to the replicator, ordered a glass of cool water, and handed it to the Admiral.

"Try to drink this slowly," he advised.

As Kathryn sipped the water, she tried to remember the previous evening. She could recall pictures, like reviewing a series of still images on a padd. Sequences of events, though ….

"Where are we, Doctor?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Mr. Neelix's hotel room. When you became … incapacitated … he volunteered to let you transport directly here to … recover. Mr. Paris and Ms. Torres transported directly to this suite with you. It was handled very discreetly."

He looked around and added, "Apparently, though, they were only successful in depositing you on the couch, not a bed."

Kathryn slouched on the couch, eyes closed. 

"The last thing I remember is talking with you, and apparently the rest of the entire crew, about Chakotay and how badly I wronged him."

The Doctor sat next to her on the couch. 

"There wasn't much more to the conversation. Mr. Paris gave you a couple of glasses of undiluted alcohol during the conversation. You got emotional at one point and drank three more glasses quick succession. It did not help your state of mind."

He nodded towards a closed door on the far side of the room.

"B'Elanna is asleep in there. She sent Tom and Miral home and stayed here in case you needed her. She contacted me about an hour ago to come by with a hypospray. I told her I would sit with you until you woke up and sent her to get a nap."

Kathryn sighed and said, "I hate that I ruined their evening. What about Harry and Neelix?"

"Captain Kim returned to the Titan only after offering to 'Admiral-sit' for you about half-a-dozen times. Tom sent him on his way. Neelix actually invited himself home with Tom and Miral."

"Neelix and Miral? Tom and B'Elanna are going to kill me."

"I have no doubt Miss Paris can handle Mr. Neelix, so long as he doesn’t try to cook for her" the Doctor replied with a grin.

Then his smile faltered a bit.

"I believe Neelix intends to go to the Memorial Garden at Starfleet Headquarters this morning to see the plaque that commemorates the Voyager crew who have passed away. The last time he was on earth was shortly after Samantha Wildman died. This will be his first chance to pay his respects to Seven. I think Naomi Wildman and Icheb are joining him."

Kathryn didn't know how to reply to this so she continued sipping her water.

"I hated having to inform Neelix of her illness, and then her death. That last time he was here, she was still healthy, still part of the group. He told me last night that he expected to see her walk through the banquet hall doors at any minute. Just like when Samantha died, I don't think it's going to feel real to him until he sees the memorial."

The Doctor was lost in his thoughts for a moment. Then he brightened slightly.

"I will be happy, though, to finally introduce him to Axum."

"Axum is still on Earth?" Kathryn asked, surprised.

"Oh, yes," the Doctor replied. He is not scheduled to leave for another week or two. He wanted to stay here long enough to get to meet more of Seven's 'Voyager family.' He spent an entire afternoon with Tuvok and T'Pel a couple of days ago. And he very much wants to meet you."

Kathryn felt her face flush. But it had nothing to do with last night's consumption. For some reason, the idea of meeting Axum in the waking world left her uneasy.

"I guess he must remember meeting me in Unimatrix Zero," she said weakly.

The Doctor nodded.

"He does. But he also learned a lot about you from Seven. And from Naomi, he's become quite the big brother to her these last couple of years."

Kathryn smiled a bit at the thought of her former ‘Captain's Assistant.’

"Really?"

"Oh, yes. I was particularly worried about Miss Wildman when her mother died -- you know Greskrendtregk passed away so soon after we got back, then Samantha just a few years after. Naomi really latched onto Seven after that. Even though she was at the academy, she relied on Seven quite a bit."

His face darkened.

"Sadly, it would be Seven's only chance to use that maternal instinct you helped her develop in the Delta Quadrant."

Kathryn got the feeling there was more to this specific bitterness than Seven's early death, but she let the comment pass. The Doctor continued.

"I was at the house Seven shared with Chakotay the first time Naomi came to visit her after Axum's arrival. I remember she came in, looking quite unsure of herself -- it's remarkable how, even in her 20's, Naomi can sometimes look so much like that little girl from Voyager. But Axum walked over to her and immediately gave her quite an enthusiastic hug. He told her how happy he was to meet the remarkable young woman who had meant so much to Seven. He took her back to Seven's room and they told him stories about their adventures on Voyager. It was very nice to hear Seven laugh -- and to hear Naomi laugh. They even taught Axum how to play Kadis-Kot. Naomi started visiting almost every day after that -- Seven had started getting very weak, and she asked the two of them to play while she watched." 

The Doctor's eyes grew misty.

"You could have walked in and thought you were watching a family that had been together a very long time. It was … a remarkable thing to see."

He turned suddenly to the Admiral.

"Did you know Naomi was Seven's maid of honor in her wedding to Axum?" he asked Kathryn.

"Wedding?" she choked out. "I never knew they married! I got a message from her not long before she died asking me to come see her, but I didn't … I was not able to answer it. I saw Chakotay not long after she died and he never said anything about her being married."

"That's because he didn't know," the Doctor replied. "Seven's feelings about Chakotay were not very consistent, or friendly, towards the end. She had started realizing how much she gave up for him, and I believe she resented it. But she also didn't want to lash out at him. She event appeared to feel a little guilty that she's allowed Axum's presence to consume her every minute by that time. But I told her she had every right -- EVERY right -- to do whatever she wanted with the time she had left. And she did."

"So, what happened, how did they get married?" Kathryn asked curiously.

"I made it happen," the Doctor said proudly. "One day, about a week before she died, I sent Chakotay on several hours’ worth of errands. Admiral Owen Paris, who had also gotten to know Axum through Starfleet's 'Borg Resistance' project, came over in the late morning, bringing Naomi with him. She had a bouquet. Naomi convinced Seven that a wedding needed flowers, so she and Admiral Paris stopped someplace to get some."

He stopped to think for a minute.

"I believe they were red amaryllis. Yes. They were red."

He smiled at the memory and continued. 

"Seven, of course, had no interest in wedding rings, but on Axum's home world, a marriage is signified with special cloth wrist coverings. They are woven out of different fabrics, each containing a pattern and color scheme unique to a given family. The weaving together of the different patterns represents the weaving together of many families through the marriage. None of his family's cloth is here on Earth, obviously, but since Naomi has gotten so artistic with her fabric art, she had plenty to let them both look through. Each picked out two or three patterns and Naomi braided a couple of lovely bracelets using what they chose.” 

The Doctor paused again, remembering how pleased Seven and Axum had been with Naomi’s creations – and how surprised Seven was to be that pleased.

“Naomi served as maid of honor,” the Doctor continued, “and I served as best man - albeit, a holographic one -- and Admiral Paris performed a very simple ceremony. They exchanged bracelets and were married. By the time Chakotay returned, the Admiral was gone, and Axum and Naomi were playing Kadis-Kot while Seven slept. He never knew a thing."

Kathryn couldn’t help but smile. Despite everything, she had cared a great deal for Seven. This was beautiful, if sad, story the Doctor was telling about her last days. Kathryn actually felt some of the ice – the chill she had long been loath to admit was there -- that had grown around her heart begin to crack a tiny bit. It was a nice feeling.

So she was left doubly vulnerable to the sharpness of his next comment.

"You know, Seven desperately wanted to show you her husband, show you her bracelet. But you didn't come. You didn't even come to her funeral to see her buried wearing it."

Kathryn, feeling as though she had been slapped, turned to stare at the Doctor. He was looking right at her -- no accusation in his eyes, but no sympathy, either. 

"I don't know what to say … she … I couldn't … I just …," she stammered.

“You just what?” he countered. “Decided that ignoring her for what was literally the rest of her life was suitable punishment for crossing a line you never told her existed? Thought that she should go to her grave never getting another kind word from you as compensation for your self-imposed isolation? What was it, Admiral?”

Kathryn couldn’t answer, she just continued looking at him, her eyes beginning to redden.

The Doctor sighed and appeared to soften a bit.

"Admiral, I know how badly you were hurt, and I know that you have buried yourself in your work to avoid feeling any of it. But so much time had passed by the time she reached out to you. And whatever might have happened, at one time, you were basically a mother to Seven. I do not believe I will ever understand why you didn’t come.”

He regarded her for a moment and frowned.

“Of course, Seven never said anything against you. She and Axum had this infuriating calm and acceptance of whatever happened in those last days. I admit, I was angry at you on her behalf, but she counseled me – consider that for a moment, Seven counseling me – to let it go.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them again, he smiled slightly at the teary-eyed woman next to him on the couch. He took one of her hands and held it in both of his own.

"I am not angry at you anymore, Admiral, I am more concerned about you. How long has it been since you truly felt like yourself? Since you were doing anything more than going through the motions of your life as opposed to living it? It's been years since any of us have seen the real Kathryn Janeway, the dynamic, passionate fighter who got us home. That’s part of the reason I was able to forgive you – I am not sure the woman Seven wanted to see even exists anymore. I wish she did. We all miss her. I miss my captain and my friend."

Kathryn turned her head quickly away from the Doctor. He was getting too close to something she wasn’t yet ready to confront.

He looked at her with sympathy.

"I’ve struck a nerve. Good. I believe the first step in getting yourself back is to deal with your feelings about Seven. What did you really, truly blame her for? Because if you didn’t blame her for some of it, you would have had a very different relationship with her all these years. You need to take the time needed to deal with all your feelings from back then – your feelings about getting stuck in the Delta Quadrant, about Chakotay, about Seven, and about yourself. Then you need to actually mourn Seven’s passing."

Kathryn looked back at him and asked, her voice cracking, “I don’t know how to do that. What is the first step?”

Before the Doctor could answer her, though, the door to the suite chimed.

“Ah,” he said, letting go of her hand and standing up. “I think you might get some assistance in that, if I am correct about who is at the door.”

He approached the door and said “Come!”

The door opened. Naomi Wildman and Icheb walked in.

\---------------------------------------------

Kathryn walked back into the living room area of the suite. When Naomi and Icheb arrived, B’Elanna had come out of her room. The three of them, and the Doctor, commed Tom and Neelix to discuss plans. Kathryn excused herself to go take a quick sonic shower and freshen up.

She headed for the replicator to get some coffee, but stopped when she noticed Naomi and Icheb still in the room sitting on the couch she and the Doctor had occupied only a little while before.

Both of them stood up. Icheb said, “It is good to see you, Admiral.”

Kathryn looked at them for a moment – she felt an odd mixture of affection and trepidation. What had the Doctor meant when he said that whoever was at the door would assist her in dealing with her feelings about Seven.

She turned back to the replicator and asked, “Would either of you care for something to drink? I am getting myself a coffee, you are welcome to join me.”  
Naomi answered, “No, thank you, we will be leaving shortly to meet Neelix at the Memorial Garden.”

Kathryn nodded, got her coffee and took the chair across from the couch. She looked at the two young people across from her.

They both seemed so grown up. And she had no idea why that surprised her.

Both were wearing Starfleet uniforms – Icheb had a Lieutenant’s two pips, and Naomi, an ensign’s single pip. Kathryn suddenly remembered hearing Harry say at some point the night before that he had requested and gotten both of these “Voyager kids” assigned to the Titan. Or, she thought she remembered him saying it sometime after her fourth or fifth drink.

“Am I correct that you are both joining Captain Kim on the Titan soon?” she asked hesitantly.

They both nodded. Kathryn smiled and started to speak, but Naomi jumped in.

“Yes, Admiral, we’ll both be on the Titan. We are both pleased. But that is not what we are here to discuss with you.”

Icheb placed a hand gently on Naomi’s shoulder. She took a deep breath and looked at the floor. When she looked back up, she had tears on her cheeks.

“I have to say to you, Admiral,” she began. Then she gasped and a slight sob escaped her mouth.

“I still see my Captain when I look at you,” she said through tears. “Do you have any idea how much I looked up to you? How much I loved you? When we were on the ship, I loved mom, Neelix, Seven, and you. And I am … so angry with you!”

Kathryn sat still in her chair, hurting, but having no idea what to say or do to comfort this girl across from her, who was so dear to her. 

Naomi’s face was red and covered in tears. Icheb gently rubber her back and nodded for her to continue speaking.

“When we left Voyager, I was too young to understand what was going on with you, Commander Chakotay, and Seven. All I knew was that Neelix was gone, and I was suddenly on this planet people were calling ‘home,’ when ‘home’ to me was the ship. And then it was gone. And two of the four people I loved most on my home were no longer friends. They were not speaking to one another. I didn’t know who it was okay for me to still be friends with. I still loved you and Seven, but I couldn’t figure out if it was okay for me to do that!”

Naomi stood suddenly and started walking around the room – her outburst was creating adrenaline that she needed to expend.

“When my father died, I felt such guilt because I barely knew him, and I felt worse about you and Seven than I did him – my own father’s death, and I cared more about you than I did him! And mom was so sad to lose him, I couldn’t tell her! And you and Seven were both so busy trying to act as though everything had turned out right, and busy not talking with each other about Chakotay, and everyone was so busy obsessing over the three of you, and I had no one! I needed you and Seven, and I didn’t have either of you!”

“Do you know why I made you that quilt?” Naomi demanded of Kathryn, who could only slightly shake her head in response. “When mom was in the hospital, she and I talked about all those years on Voyager. We laughed and cried and told each other the things we had not told each other back then. I told her how many of her replicator rations I spent on ice cream, and she told me how certain she had been that she was going to die with Tom and Tuvok that one time. We were bathing in the memories, we were covered in them, and I could remember how safe and nurtured I felt with her, Neelix, Seven, and you.”

Naomi stopped pacing, took a breath and looked at the floor. When she spoke again, her voice was quieter, sadder.

“I made that quilt because I wanted you to remember it, too. Mom was dying. I missed you and Seven. You told me how much you loved the quilt, but it didn’t make you remember. Not like I needed you to.”

She looked Kathryn deep in the eyes and said, “I remember feeling that if I could make you remember, that you would forgive Seven, and I could have both of you back.”

Naomi’s words and tears were knives slicing at Kathryn’s very soul. And all Kathryn wanted to do was retreat, to escape, to not be made to face these feelings or endure this girl’s pain.

But the cracks in the ice around her heart were widening, and she remembered how much she had loved this little girl. She knew she had to sit and honor that child by enduring the young woman’s pain.

Kathryn got up and approached Naomi. She reached for her and whispered, “I am sorry I wasn’t there for you Naomi. I am sorry I wasn’t there for Seven. I am sorry that my way of trying to deal with pain – or not deal with it – hurt you, and her.”

Naomi looked at her for a minute, then walked into the embrace being offered. She sobbed in Kathryn’s shoulder. Kathryn held the young woman as she whispered her own memories of Samantha, and Naomi’s birth, and her years on the ship. 

Kathryn wanted Naomi to know she remembered. Kathryn wanted herself to know it, too.

When her tears were spent, Naomi looked at the Admiral and smiled.

“Oh, Captain, I wish you could have met the woman Seven became before she died. You would have been so proud of her.”

Kathryn could only nod.

Icheb, who had been silent nearly the entire time, stood and said, “Admiral, I agree with Naomi. You would have been very proud of Seven. I think it was only towards the end, when Axum was here, that she fully understood so many of the lessons you were trying to teach her so long ago.”

He then looked at Naomi and said, “We need to leave if we are going to meet Neelix for lunch before going to the memorial garden.”

“I know,” Naomi said softly. She looked at Kathryn and said, “I am sorry I got your shoulder wet.”

Kathryn chuckled and said, “It’s fine. This uniform has been through much worse.”

The three stood awkwardly for a moment, then Kathryn said, “You’d better head out, I don’t want to be responsible for two junior officers standing up the Federation’s ambassador to the Delta Quadrant.”

Naomi and Icheb both smiled and headed towards the door. But then Naomi stopped and turned to Kathryn.

“Admiral, I am not angry with you, not really. I was just angry, for a long time. B’Elanna told me before that I needed to learn how to rant and cry, and after this visit with you, I think I understand what she means.”

Kathryn smiled and said, “I’m glad. I might try that approach myself.”

Naomi took a deep breath and said, “One of the last things Seven and I discussed was her concern that you and Chakotay no longer have each other to lean on. I don’t know what your relationship with him ever was, or ever will be. But I think each of you hurt the other, possibly very badly. Don’t let that just be – please talk to each other and settle it. Our lives are actually very short, Admiral. Don’t hang on to the pain if you don’t have to.”

Naomi smiled, then she and Icheb left.

Kathryn picked up her coffee cup and walked to a window. She stared at the overcast sky.

“Naomi is right,” she thought to herself.

Kathryn then realized who she needed to see in order to start her healing. And it wasn’t Chakotay.


End file.
